Funny Quotes

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush (Lol...he is so dumb)

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

[These quotes from a 2001 Washington TV/Radio Correspondents dinner]

As you know, we're studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water to base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we need to test the water glasses of about 3,000 people. Thank you for participating.

"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" Let us analyze that sentence for a moment. If you're a stickler, you probably think the singular verb "is" should have been the plural "are," but if you read it closely, you'll see I'm using the intransitive plural subjunctive tense. So the word "is" are correct.

In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language.
-- George W. Bush

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.
-- Konrad Adenauer

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
-- Will Rogers

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"”

“Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.”
--Oscar Wilde

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
--Winston Churchill

“Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
--Jack Handey

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself”
--Mark Twain

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”

Agatha Christie